i just saw a homeless guy running after a pigeon, catch it and put it in his jacket pocket. I'm not sure if the bird is now his pet or dinner!
Omg. Well, welcome to Oakland...
I am really glad that on the inside of a card from your grandparents you have transcribed the rules for circle of death
Don't get me started, it sucks when the one thing you have in common with a girl is not wanting penis inside you.
We watched 'the mighty ducks' last night and took shots every time someone quacked. I woke up this morning wearing a nothing but a hockey jersey laying next to him on the floor. He was wearing a goalie mask. I really wish I knew what happened.
so all the bums hang out by my new store, they have a leader we call king bum... He got dethroned by police today for choking out a hooker. The bum heirarchy is in shambles right now.
I brought up my Bobbly Flay drinking game in the interview. Of course I got the job.
walmarts paint section shouldnt be open at 3am
i'm sober ask me anything about the civil war
Do you have any idea how hard it is to concentrate on legal issues with the ghost of his giant penis in me?
TAKE ALL THE MAERHMALLOWS AND PUT THEM ALL IN THE MAGICAL NIGHTSTAND
He was crying because he hiccuped every time he kissed me. We then crawled to the kitchen because neither of us could stand, and I spoon-fed him peanut butter "to cure his ailment."
We established that I was in 5th grade when she was in her final year of grad school. Her daughter is also in 5th grade.
The best part of tonight is drunk commenting on my moms pic about how birds just want to give you diseases and pluck out your eyes
I believe I can fly has to be one of the most inspirational songs of our time. Seriously R. Kelly nailed it
Then he went and peed on those teenagers.
How do you explain to your mom that you let your friend stab you in the leg while drunk and high on coke?
Randomize
