there's a taquito in the driveway. If it's not yours I'm going to eat it.
no, i swear. she uses a huge jagermeister flag as a sheet on her bed.
I am the poster child for what not to do during sex. Soon they will be calling an undesired position after me
We are so drunk I just let him piss between my legs on the toilet. That's love.
I was scoping hash out of our weed jar with a spoon and I realized we need to buy actual utensils. This plastic shit is killing me I've broke 3 spoons
I don't even know what beauty is right now. I wouldn't even pity fuck me today.
Pretty sure I sang "What Makes You Beautiful" to some random guy in a parking lot last night...
If you really loved me, you'd support my weed habit.
As the person who squeezed you out of my vagina, the answer is no.
I can't believe you didn't come out. There was a duckling ON THE BAR!
He said I gave him the best head he's ever had and I bowed. I BOWED.
i woke up with a kayak in my amazon shopping cart with 1 wrong digit on my credit card and the transaction wasn't going through.
Had a dream I went to Disney to visit you and then I got really drunk and puked all over these little kids in line
Well shove his head down there and tell him not to stop til we have a new president!
i tried giving myself a bikini wax.1. i hate you 2. i think i'm dying
My neck is sore from all the headbanging. And I can't tell the difference between the jello stains and cum stains.
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