I'm fucking him on the second date. I don't give a fuck what Patti Stanger says.
I just rubbed my dick on something in your apartment. Can you guess what?
He had the Transformers symbol tattooed to his chest. We had to do it doggy style so I could laugh into my pillow instead of his face.
Theres two guys using a blow up doll to hold their beers while they float around the pool
Im on my way, tell them to get ready for a high-five
high as fuck. watching parent trap with my mom. keep missing my mouth.
OMGGG I JUST SAW A REAL OWL JUST CHILLING ON TOP OF A SIGN POST. I WALKED UP TO HIM AND SAID HOO HOOOOO AND HE TURNED HIS HEAD AT ME AND WAS LIKE YEAHHH BRO
You'd be surprised how many calories hedonism burns.
We just had a 30 min argument on the actual birth date of Jesus, it ended in my brother and ain't cursing each other and an 8 yr old answering it by using Siri.
THERE ARE SO MANY ALCOHOLS IN MY BLOOD RIGHT NOW
dude, we need a reunion soon, my vagina needs a deep massage. The kitty is ready to play
My stripper pole led lights flash with the sound so it's awsome with music
This guy on the tube is sooooooo high. Eyes are bloodshot and he's licking his headphone cords.
She's licking the whiskey out of the carpet. I think we may be soulmates.
Is it in poor taste to drop acid before midnight mass?
I love this.
I think I accidentally got a sugar daddy but I was already planning on sleeping with him so I’m going to see where this goes
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