Pretty girls always come out on top. Or bottom. Whatever. Point is we come out with their boyfriends.
Anyone who says sunshine brings happyness has never woken up with the worst hangover of their life to their window being open and it being a bright shinny day
The way I see it, if i don't fail the midterm and blow off some of the projects, how else am I going to get motivated to study for the final ?
I don't have enough holes for all these australians
Nobody knew what to do when it was dead. You said fire up the George Foreman, I've never ate baby shark. She hasn't stopped crying.
omg i hate the new neighbors. why cant a bitch just be hungover in peace on a wednesday morning.
Not sure if it is a new high or new low, but i left a basket on the porch of the sorority I woke up at. It had a description of the Minnie Mouse I woke up next to, and Plan B.
Operation: pick up a lawyer was a resounding success. Commence operation: football mugshot weekend
I feel like captain Morgan put his peg leg up my ass
I'm in Home Depot and I can feel the straight bob the builders staring at me. I bet it's like I have a rainbow arrow pointing at me.
The UTI came back with a vengeance.
I need to show you how I feel about you by fucking you repeatedly.
Oh no...did you put star fish over your nipples again?
True life: I got so drunk that i took a shower with my clothes on at 4 am...
Jack said he hasn't jerked off in like two weeks and he's like a smoldering volcano who wants to bury you like Pompeii with his man gravy
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