Trust me, I wear more condoms than socks. I wouldn't risk infecting my cock. It's my livelyhood.
If Rob Pattinson gets another fucking MTV award, I'm going to vomit.
turns out gay frats are just like normal frats, only with more v-necks
I should just throw a hundred dollar bill into the wind and walk away... save myself the hangover.
i cant get the smell of ass out of my nose
i dont feel like going...you don't know how much work goes into getting my whore on
Spent 200 bucks on a stripper for a good night hug. I give up.
I almost caused an explosion; It's okay though. because everyone would have died having a good time.
I know what youre going to say and vodka only explains half of my sitation
I said to him "i can't have sex with anyone in my friend's living room" then he said "we can move the air mattress into the kitchen"
Do you ever actually plan things? Or is it always drugs then whatever happens? I'm considering being worried about you
Then. Omg he showed me A CARD TRICK AFTER WE CAME
Like will they card me for my own whiskey in shampoo bottles?
Between falling off a shelf on to a concrete floor and sex with you - i may never walk again.
He ate me out while I was wearing a canada goose parka and a dress hand crafted by a seamstress from yellowknife. I came while watching the northern lights. Most arctic orgasm ever.
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