youre so sexy i want your bod
dude, did you turn gay?
heather?
this is jacob
Remember when you weren't going to be a shit show?
Just bummed a recreational vicodin off my friend's 40 year old boyfriend & am hoovering a breakfast sammy from costco. And I don't have a boyfriend because why?
And hes hitting me with his balls, really hard.
he suggested i make a website called "cum on molly's face", to "start off my acting career"
he yelled "RELEASE THE KRAKEN" then hit me with his dick
on of the only things i remember was the security guard told me i was too drunk for laser tag.
I just found out I was conceived in a rehab facility... that's better than finding out your dad could be someone else right?
Sitting at a bar next to a guy wearing sunglasses drinking a pitcher by himself and having an argument with himself over if journey is more ballin than kiss. Feel better about myself.
They just both started mumbling "i cant go home like this" "it's all over my face" "do you have extra pants?"
My last google search of the night was "Things that cost $102.50"
I deleted his number so I had to go into my old voicemails which are saved through my gmail and search his name... Never underestimate the resourcefulness of a drunk girl on a mission for dick
He came over drunk in a speedo i told him he has my vote he said who are you voting for when i said obama he took off running and shouting i was worthless like an empty beer can
cocks speak louder than words, as they say
Nobody says that.
Dude. I realize why I got sick. 8 shots three beers in an hour. Plus I ate an expired lunchable earlier.
Randomize
