I accidentally had sex with my boyfriend's twin last night...and he didn't stop me.
How was it?
Fantastic, but that's not the point.
I just had to explain to my father, how having two screens plugged into my computer doesn't use more internet.
sometimes when i'm walking through campus i wonder how many of these people have seen me puke
You know, I really only think drinking is a problem if you're not good at it.
The required reading for this week is a paper about birds called great tits. Let's see my TA keep a straight face through this discussion.
There's nothing like vomiting in the restroom at work to remind you that you're not in college anymore.
It was like a lincoln log. Seriously. I don't know who's more pissed, me or my vagina...worst.hookup.ever.
He was about to puke, and so I handed him an empty beer can. In retrospect, not very helpful.
apparently i saved myself a memo last night titled "cake" and all it says is "i love it so much"
Just met me in 10 years...this lady keeps an emergency wine cooler in her bag
Totally had a conversation drunk last night with a bisexual chick at my apartment in Spanglish too.
You're a hero.
I would like to formally reclaim my title of a turn up queen.
Hey, I left a taco in your dishwasher.
Just found a rebirth in peppermint schnapps. May be able to stay up all night and finish this paper after all. MERRY CHRISTMAS
It's to the point where if a guy can so much as find my clit, I'll consider him amazing in bed
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