Just fell off a train. Bad.
Just saw an old man buy two cases of keystone light, a case of milwaukee's best and a case of icehouse. Degenerate alcoholic of senior citizen of the year?
I'm so glad i pay social security
Just had a serious bathroom emergency at walmart a and it appears that i ate a taco bell burrito wrapper last night
We are taking shots off of spoons and listening to Mary Poppins.
Holy christ fuck what has my trainwreck of a life come to just blew a 17 year old so help me god
The next time i black out make sure i remove the ping pong balls from my weave. Especially before my first day of classes.
Tell them you aren't trying to make money, you are just the mr rogers of weed,its such a good feeling a very good feeling the feeling you know that were friends
Carrying your underwear around in your purse on Sunday morning is its own religious experience
We're not on Beacon Street anymore so now your argument about not peeing on the sidewalk holds no water. Whereas my bladder has holded every water.
Guess what I signed up for?!?!?!
Please tell me you're not selling your eggs.
Okay I'm ready to show you that my weiner still works
Too late, I'm convinced it's broken
He played with my nipples while singing "How great thou art"
I don't blame you. I made YouTube videos of me singing Rent songs then slept with a married couple. Fucking tequila.
You weren't singing into a microphone in front of an audience. You were screaming into your fist in the check-out aisle in Walmart.
Oh btw, ur tongue should count as a second cock it's that good
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