I can tuck mytits in my pants
if hell is full of stilettos, fake tans, bleached hair, overused make-up, drawn out s's and blatent bitchiness, then i'm in hell right now.
Lol welcome to greek life
What do you mean you don't pregame your bikini waxes?
how opposed are you to picking me up at the bar at 11:00am?
oh but the power of the cock will take you to places you never been..i flew to hawaii once to sleep witha chick
I know everyone screamed lady cop instead of cops. I wanted to apologize to her for our chauvinism
she was puking red wine out the car window, telling me about how shes joining weight watchers tomorrow, not okay.
He made me keep his swollen nut cold with frozen bags of peas while rubbing his tummy because he said I had no choice.
We finally have the house to ourselves and your out playing Lance Fucking Armstrong
Okay I can't even be mad, I'm in mid-plot to hook up with Michael Phelp's third cousin.
Drunk yoga at 11 am turned into me sitting on the couch making fun of the girl in the instructional video. By the way, what the fuck is a third eye?
So your brother is gay after all... Just caught him making out with my brother... Apparently he's gay too
My Dicks been hard all day. Poor guy isn't used to vacation being over
at one point, you reached into your purse, pulled out a tampon, and proceeded to rub it on your lips like chapstick... that drunk
i think if a sober person was watching us they would have not thought we were witty
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