I was doing the dishes wondering what was with all the tiny little cups, but then I remembered that some people drink things other than huge mixed drinks and big cups of water the next day.
It's sad really how 5 am brings with it a distinction from drunken to pathetic.
How much time is enough between masturbating and watching little bear?
Watching tv. She's giving me head and she hates it when I watch her.
you are not perverted enough for this relationship to work out.
Two girls just making out in the elevator. Didn't stop when the doors opened. Part of me didnt mind, but part did. Bc I wanted to get on the elevator without it getting awkward. Am I gay?
He just texted me from the outside of the hospital. He called the fat broad in the bar mrs snuffleupagus about 60 times and she broke a bottle of blackberry brandy over his head.
at what point last night did i decided to have a photo shoot with your camel toe
We found you naked curled up in a ball in the closet, using a gorilla suit as a blanket
Im in mikes bed telling my vagina I'm sorry in advance.
I just sold my hat for three car bombs. I call that a win.
Some lady just walked up to me in the bar and proclaimed that I looked like a "shady motherfucker." Can't argue with that one.
I am now picking what guy I will hang out with based on how many Pokémon they live near.
Yeah, sorry about that. Dropped the phone on my face while I was watching porn.
Yeah but who says we can't be shitfaced and tan at the same time?
Randomize
