I hope you get used to having plenty of sperm because you're never gonna get any.
i lost my life and panties somewhere between the 15th and 16th round of slap the bag.
Dude dan is so baked he taped his remote to the futon so he couldn't lose it again. Come over here
Drunk at a girls little league game. Hello summer.
Just thought to myself "I should practice shotgunning a beer before Wednesday." I don't think my GPA is going to like this semester.
I made this pact with my vagina, though. No more heartless fuckery.
it looks like my getting laid tonight is going to depend on my knowledge of native birds. this is a weird party
If the egyptians can build pryamids men can walk on the moon and ron jeremy can sleep with all those bitches then we can finish these three handles of vodka
The cab driver gave me a church card yesterday and said I should reconnect with god.
Then he gave me 2 tickets to a movie he's going to be in
Woke up in your shoes. Please tell me you woke up in mine
I just got stoned alone and repierced my nose. don't ever tell me I'm unaccomplished
I just got stoned by myself and am eating cookies so I'm right there with you
Next guy I fuck must be a cowboy
Sustenance and doggy style.. the only two things I need
this is a mass text: the cage has been opened. repeat, the cage has been opened. a search party will be organized. you are all sloppy bitches. that is all.
you have 10 seconds to explain why the toilet is full of bread or its ALL GOING ON YOUR BED.
Randomize
