is your mom at the bar?
my best friend tried to rape me with a pineapple
At the hair cuttery. A father here with his daughter just answered his phone "ken's whorehouse"...Now I remember why I used to pay more for haircuts.
You have problems? I'm 20 years old and i'm balding
is it a bad thing if he can only get off when i start talking like one of the girls from Jersey Shore??
Yeah I hope so. Definately just saw two freshmen in very authentic togas and cotton ball beards. This new class is stepping it up.
At the ER. Dropped bottle lead to cut foot which led to me drunk hitting on doctors. Not going well.
I just let my hand run under cold water for five minutes. I couldn't stop staring at it and the only things I could think about were how amazing it felt, how cool water was, and what a wonderful world it is that we live in. Reasons why I don't smoke...
There are 27 signatures on my ass. What the hell happened last night?
Every time someone made a cup you congratulated them by letting them sign your ass.
This is my gift to your gina
New guy at the liquor store was inexplicably fascinated by our huge jug of williams. First he said what are you gonna mix THAT with? and looked confused when I said air.
Last time I "ran into him" I ended up with the clap and had to explain why the ladder was missing from the garage.
I wish I could accurately explain the embarrassment of standing in your bathroom with women's nair on your ass waiting to get in the shower.
I used the phrase "love child of quasimodo and cyclops " in a sentence today.
Why were u walkin around mc with a toilet bowl lid handcuffed to u and carrying a stuffed Teddy bear last night?
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