The girl I was getting head from just called my dick an anteater...I hate my parents for not cutting my cock tip off.
you just kept saying 'take out my tanks' and tell the cab driver to go slower, i have no idea what you were talking about but i'm glad you had fun.
Lesson learned. Never get fingered on an airplane.
You convinced us both to take shots of jack Daniels through our eyes.
Of dear god, I've been waiting to have rug burn like this since I got bored of my vibrator 2 months ago
He kissed my hand AND my forehead. I don't think this virginity business is for heartless whores like us.
we somehow managed to fit a llama, a stripper pole and a hayride all into the same day.
He can only pee with the faucet running. It's like I'm dating a fucking toddler.
What is soo wrong about a house of half-naked people hugging each other and laughing?
The pinata full of drugs?
I was gonna start crying but as he was asking me for my info i saw him eyeing my rack. So I sorta started pushing them together. He asked me to get out of the car he made me turn around so he could check me out and then he said and I quote "okay ma'am. Everything is fine, I'm going to let you off with a warning. Next time if you're not wearing yoga pants you might not be as lucky" I am blessed.
Just bumped into my ex. Blowing a dude in the ladies' room at Disney World. I guess it really was her not me.
he just ran into my room in his giant penis costume yelling "supercock to the rescue"... I am still in total shock
I just watched an old episode of Daria while eating brownies to cure day drunkness. Clearly I'm winning at adulting today.
If we had a dog do you think we would be less hoe-y?
Nah
My vagina! What have you done to it?
Blessed it my child.
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