I'm already going to be stripping so like pretty much you would just be watching me. Also we're watching twilight. again.
xbox live and facebook are tricking me into believing I actually have an active social life
he came and i only had my diet coke to rinse.. can you say coke float?
they named it eva bongoria. i had to hit it based on the name alone.
In case this wasn't clear when i said being his wingman was "hopeless", his date walked out on him when he poured a beer on his head trying to shotgun it
you dragged me by my throat over to the shots. this is a new level of alcoholism..
Don't mind the bowl full of ashes in the sink. I meant to set that on fire.
Its official the day you get back into town we are having a going away to jail party for me. My last wish before prison is to shit faced drunk with you, get into a fist fight, and then cuddle up and fall asleep. Just like old times <3
What made this night legendary was getting pulled over for looking suspicious while wearing an iron man mask
Just gave a blow job while wearing a shirt that says 'world's coolest mom' idk how my conscience feels...
He put on a roller derby documentary. It was either bore myself to death watching that or take off my dress. He was very appreciative.
just in the smoking shack with my sister cheering on a caterpillar make its cocoon
Tolerating him while I'm not drunk is like trying to find a word that rhymes with orange
I think I'm still high. And I definitely still smell like lobster, so there's that
I need something that says "I'm gay sometimes but I feel scorned by my straight, non-committal lover, so I'm here to get drunk and make out, and possibly end up in a bathroom with someone who's name I won't remember tomorrow"
Randomize
