We had sex in his tahoe, talked about how we don't love each other and then high fived twice. Best Day Ever
So im using the back of a keystone box as notecard for my presentation
This morning my doorman told me it was an accomplishment for me to be standing and conscious after last night.
Between the two of us weve fucked every guy at this table
I thought I hit my peak drinking in college. Just finished first day on Wall Street. College was nothing.
Definitely almost got hit in the face with a baby
if I could send you my dick right now I would. that's how good of a friend I am.
Almost ran over girl selling candy bars for charity. Pretty much obligated to buy at that point.
quick, give me some iron man trivia, i'm going to make this girl regret quoting tony stark in her tinder bio
Tip: never mention Guy Fieri during sex
Last night I watered my lawn and smoked a joint then cooked a steak. I'm really killing this adulthood thing.
You know you were really drunk last night when you woke up and had someone else's jacket with their car keys and medical marijuana that you wore home from the bar and no sign of your actual jacket.
You have no idea how awkward it is fucking someone with the same name as your dog
The fact that you cheered yourself on while you puked saying it was your first college puke, blacked out, and sang taylor swift to the toilet confirms the fact that we are related. I've never been more proud.
I just want a man in my bed on a regular basis, who cuddles, and who I can also occasionally hang out with outside of my bedroom. Is that too much to ask for?
Randomize
