I asked my mom, she said yes...but you have to shower with grandpa.
and now I know what throwing up pineapple chunks is like.
Yeah, we had those soaking in vodka for like 36 hours
outstanding.
he said no girl had ever swallowed his cum before
he probably also told you he thought u were pretty
I should just wear a shirt that says "Im Sorry" on the front because the second we land in Vegas, I'm going to be a fuckin trainwreck.
Sorry for scaring your son with my drunken animal impressions
Well I woke up with spatula marks on my ass and burns on my hands.
I knew it was time to leave Waffle House when you started singing "What's Your Fantasy" to your hash browns.
I'm not taking advise from someone who responded to the pickup line "I have a penis"
She was rubbing her face on the carpet, she was high.
I remember because you made a pirate noise when you came.
I danced with this guy last night, I left like I was humped by a blind baby kangaroo trying to body-box.
WTF moment this morning: we were getting ready to leave and he reaches under his mattress to pull out his gun. All I could do was look at him and go "really?!"
Who breaks their ankle the day before a beach wedding? This guy. Maybe this is karma for fucking someone's wife? Idk.
I just wanted to tell you that the German word for "dickhead" can also be translated as "ass violin" and I think that's beautiful.
PSA- Wearing assless chaps results in embarrassingly painful sunburn
Randomize
