So I used to make fun of texas a lot, then I got here and I found a place where I could get my tequila in a to go cup with a straw and I realized that this is the only place I ever want to be
A freshman just woke up on our back pourch... He swears there was a party here last night but we didn't have one
I just answered "If only I knew" for a quiz in criminology, she loved it. I got an A
The man at the Honda dealership told me I smell like vodka and probably shouldn't be driving.
I guess wearing a straight up bikini to class is an early indication that Thirsty Thursday has started.
You blacked out and walked in on my neighbor breast feeding at 3am yelling "where is my best friend". I think we should go apologize.
Not sure I just ate a really big pot brownie, I feel like my future is uncertain
Why yes. I did get laid looking like that. My sheets look like there was a clown orgy
U touched your head and and said "oh look blood" and then looked at me and touched my face... And said war paint
I'd do them all but honestly I'm so high that I probably should have a chaperone.
I just spent 12 consecutive hours in the same outfit and none of it was pajamas. If that's not personal growth, I don't know what is.
You know you're too drunk when you start calling people out for unfollowing you on social networks.
Just woke up to find that I'd left a stove burner on for the past 6 hours or so. I'm now banned from Ambien cooking.
That moment when you're in a room with 3 guys and know how big their dicks are. Then you are married to the one with the smallest dick.
Someone puked in my crockpot. Your friends can’t come over any more.
Randomize
