At least we lost an hour tonight! Less time to make a fool of myself
I'm so hungover And my mouth is so dry it feels like my tongue is wearing a sweater
Seriously just heard: "we need some good ass wine. how bout this swa-vig-non blank"
hahahaha. Oh virginia: where the south begins
Before I dignify that with an answer, let me get this straight. You're asking me if I wiped my ass on the towels?
porn star boner night. come get it.
I took us ten minutes to realize the shower sex going upstairs was the reason the kitchen ceiling was flooding.
Remember when I got my car stuck in my backyard?
want me to make you a grilled cheese? I can't guarantee it'll be as good as yours but i'll go down on you afterwards if you want
brb printing out this text and putting it on my bedroom wall
I just did the walk of shame..with a blanket and a cup that says i will out drink all you bitches. This was not how i pictured 25.
I traded him cumming in my face for a year for a Disney annual pass. One giant leap back for feminism, one small step for the adult child Disney fan.
But on the plus side, what he lacked in size he made up for with speed. And grunting.
I feel like you can't break up with someone on 420. It's against stoner code
Your ability to eat ass like its your job and yet turn down quinoa because it's "gross" is confusing.
Life if anyone rolls up to my funeral with shitty weed get them out of there
I want to create a human. Discussion later.
Randomize
