You can't have hate sex in a hallway!!
Shes from jersey what did you expect her to say when you asked her if she did coke? Its like asking some1 from a third world country if they are hungry
i'm gonna start putting 34DD under other qualifications on my bartender applications and see if that helps
She told me at midnight she would blow me harder than a new years party kazoo
I'm pretty sure my penis yawned halfway through. That loose.
Oh shit. Easter I forgot. Maybe we should leave the illegal stuff for when Jesus is less present.
i'm reaslly not drunk enough to wtch the fat lesbian on my floor brng another fat lesbian dressed up as a bloody nurse into her room at 2am
You gave the cab driver your pants as collateral while you ran in the house for money.
thanks for waiting 12 hours to ask if I was in a ditch or not
My brain is foggy with friends reruns and him licking hummus off my tits.
She was kinda cute. So long as you don't mind neck tattoos and bad life choices.
There are two things I love in this world. Dick and cats. Why can't I just have dick and cats forever
I don't see how I managed to fuck up so much shit in an hour and a half..
I think it was clear she was setting us up when she brought me over to you and said "Present!"
Just opened my sisters laptop to "cute places to lose my virginity" googled last
Randomize
