CNN just did a special on how to do heroin safely.. I recorded it for us
do you remember the combo for the lock to my pants?
All I'm saying is that your next houseguest had better not barge in on me in the shower demanding I wash the stolen dye from his hair. I'm not doing that a second time.
So I've decided to grow a vagina forest. Because I'm single and it's like a zen garden. Brings a new meaning to long hair don't care.
no, but he did start crying. who the fuck is 30, covered in tattoos and crys about an ex? get your shit together, man.
You forget how awesome toilet paper is until you have to wipe your ass with a piece of notebook paper...
I want a battle ostrich, get me a battle ostrich and then come and make love to me
I need you to go into my room and get some pants then bring them and four band aids to Sam's apartment no questions
Beer and xanax may be a bad combo, but I don't really care due to the beer and the xanax.
My Easter Basket from my parents consisted of one chocolate bunny and a massive amount of condoms and a single note saying "the pope approves of the use of condoms" love mom and dad
Having to do the walk of shame on crutches was defiently a first for me. cheers to the governor, klove
if they didn't want us to do blow at uni, why would they make textbooks so smooth?
you know you're sexually deprived when you're holding a warm taquito in your hand and your vagina starts to tingle
You were up on table in a neon bra chanting "YOUR MOM" while drizzling vodka on your chest...
no wonder i woke up with my boobs stuck to my bra
I got paid to fuck my boss for lunch. My job is better than yours.
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