I'm pretty sure there's seven mailboxes in the bathtub...
I have before 2 am pics and after 2am pics, which do you want to see first?
Fuck him. I'll set him on fire for you. Then we'll see how good of a firefighter he is.
That's what you said about that spiderman stripper, but look how that turned out
so i say "rick dont build that sandcastle" and he "says ok i wont" then i wake up and its sandcastle fucking city all over my apartment
some girl at the bar told me my beard would tickle every inch of her body till she joy puked her face off.... that was so random and odd i just had to buy her a drink for having the guts to say it to me. WTF
I don't want to ruin date night, but you have no idea how hard it is to poop whilst looking at cute puppies.
I gave you the craziest sex experiences of your life, the least you could do is let me keep the sweater.
Our first order of business as new roommates was to test the sex acoustics of our rooms. I need a new box spring.
I will rip it off your body in ways are socially offensive but you still kind of like.
She ordered an O'douls. That was the end of that date
I want you more than I want a burrito.
I'm not as filling.
Just watched someone fail a field sobriety test. Miserably. At 4:50p. I think it's my future husband
God bless him
Sometimes I get confused on who I really actually know and who's lives I just know everything about via internet. Its a fine line
There’s so much sex at the hospital I’m beginning to think scrubs were invented to make duty booty easier
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