how the FUCK am I supposed to macarena while doubble fisting?
Whenever someone from high school gets pregnant or has a pregnancy scare my self esteem grows a good 5 points
every time you want to hook up with a guy who has a girl friend, i'll just give you a freshman
He told me the hand job I gave him this morning was "lovely".
so just saw tiger woods pull a page out of his wifes book and hit some kid in the head with a golf club
You left a trail of sequins from your dress incase we got lost
When the cops come you probably shouldn't be poking cars with a stick.
I'm just concerned it's gonna end up in my vagina again
Just stole a goat. Bringing it to your house to cock block. Blame the goat not me.
He kept dropping hints about giving me crabs. Like he called my pubes a nest and said he "hoped there weren't any eggs in there."
I can never go back to Jacksonville. We think I may have punched a child in the face while on acid...
I felt like... 50% confused and 50% like a slow roasted flip flop.
It's gonna be me and some oreos tonight. Basically like sex
His name was Dragon. For real. How do you not sleep with a Dragon? Don't judge me.
Well, he was practically tripping over his dick to get to me so I'd say my new dress was successful
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