she gave me a disgusted look and asked how i could live with myself. because i havent seen the rocky horror picture show. and then dumped me.
I just did my online traffic school at the bar. No biggie.
fuck he's narrating my life in a british voice make him stop im way too fucking high for this
Robbie told me you spent 10 mins discussing the curl in his hair and that you said "with that curl in your hair, you'll go far"
just saw a former disney star do a keg stand. her life choices have improved.
and then you seriously asked him to senior prom..which freaked him out since you told him earlier you were 22
I can't even type what I drank. I'll throw up
RA chick in a Christmas onsie chased us up 5 flights of stairs. I need to stop violating guest policy
She spilled some tequila on her hair somehow and I guess I felt bad for her, so I yelled "ROOMIES FOR LIFE" and dipped my hair in my tequila.
I've got mace and a condom. Ready to roll either way and keeping my pimp hand strong.
I left my coke in the bird nest in the bathroom stall last night but I found it nest and all in my purse I love morning suprises
So I guess I bought a cat last night. Fuuuccckkk.
Dude, I need a fuckin wingman and this could finally make us eskimo brothers, how can you pass that up?
Just come here quick. I'm home in 3min. It will take you literally less than 5 to walk. Then 2 to undress, 16 to fuck, 2 to dress again and 5 to walk back..!!
exactly 16 eh??
He graduated. He’s not my GA anymore. He’s just the 24 year old that’s helping me put a sexless marriage in the rear view mirror by exploring the Kama sutra with me
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