NO FUCKING WAY. PLEASE MAKE HER IMPLANT THAT POOR KID INTO A RESPONSIBLE UTERUS.
Since my computer broke, i've been masterbating to girls gone wild. I feel like i'm in the 90's.
he was so high, he talked to my goldfish for an hour telling him the dangers of overfeeding.
dude, it should not be this hard to find a bottomless mimosa on a friday morning
Just convinced airport security that im sober. All i do is win.
nothing like morning wood sex at 4pm. funemployment ftw
Things found in my vomit last night: cell phone, Von Hayes rookie card, a boot, my dignity
Real friends wouldn't let me shotgun a 4loko after already seeing me trying to eat a girl out through her jeans.
There is an empty space on my boobs where glow paint should be.
She puked her nose ring out of her face.
she put on her moms wedding dress and is chugging purple jolly rancher vodka, happy cyber monday
I was gonna turn him down, but he correctly identified a song from Pocahontas.
Yeah, it was all very half-hearted. In the middle of sex we both just stopped and looked at each other and said, "can we just sleep instead?"
That is so sad.
How did I end up in some random dudes car?
Some guy came up to you and asked if you knew how to drive stick.
You ran outside mistaken the snow for sand and started screaming "WHERES TH BEACH"
Randomize
