That guy over there looks like a cartoon/action figure.
omg, i know.
we're too high.
I guess i tried to text 911 last night with "someone stole my bong." Thank god that doesn't work...
I was up until 12:30 making that damned grammar test for my freshmen then I caught myself running through the verb tenses when I was giving him head.
"I have sucked, I will suck, I will have suck, I am sucking..." I've never felt more like a nerdier slut than last night.
walking through the french quarter. a homeless guy just offered me a pigeon. gotta love new orleans.
Just found out my mom's voicemail password is 6969..
Please just tell me how ugly she was so I can bask in the diminishingly small reassurance that might give me
It's like even though I'm not in college anymore my body still knows it's September and is putting itself into competitive binge drinking mode.
Should we start at nine like normal people or now like alcoholics?
Did you get any last night. I need to track my forever aloneness
Sometimes I think I'm witty and funny, and then I realize it 3pm and I'm drunk
I have the WORST cramps EVER. I think this is gods way of saying 'you're welcome, last warning. stop being a slut.'
I know this is super early in advance but can I borrow your horse mask on 4/20
Maybe they'll dismiss me from jury duty after they smell beer on me. You can't keep me in a cage and then give me an hour and a half long lunch break next to a beer fest and expect sobriety.
You threw up at the outdoor bar and it was pretty...astonishing just how much can come out of such a small human.
Would an open wound count as good sex or bad sex?
Randomize
