Do you still have your period?
Gfs sis is in town. Its awkwardly obv that we want to fuck each other.
Things on my life to do list: hold a pound of marijuana. Check.
I feel like sober is me a distant relative that I only see on christmas..
No, drunk sperm still make babies.
So I called her out for all the gossip she does and she's like "you do the same, bitch"
So I was like "Im classy like the Countess, youre just a bitch like Kim."
Kudos on the Interstate Housewife metaphor.
she actually told me to ignore the cokeheads in the corner with knives.
SANTA'S REAL. I GOT MY PERIOD.
He just kept yelling "body massage machine go" at random intervals throughout the night
come over, blizzard of oz party. dress up.
On a lighter note, the guy I gave a lap dance to then fell asleep on his crotch just facebook friend requested me..
It's a sit down to pee kind of hangover
It threw me off a little. I had to take a moment and ask myself, "Is he really fingering me in his mom's kitchen while I eat a whopper?"
I don't know. Seeing the vagina stretched out beyond normal proportions is like watching your favorite superhero die.
It is NEVER not funny to me when I am sitting at a table and I've touched the dicks of every single person I'm sitting with.
Randomize
