So how come you never look me in the eyes anymore when we make love?
capt morgan doesn't hurt if you honestly believe it's golden flavored kool-aid.
Just found out I have to work new year's eve. It's like one final 'fuck you' from 2009.
dude ... she has a full length mirror in her shower, don't even tell me shes not dtf
I just sat through a State Farm mortgage Insurance commercial to watch a Trick Daddy video. Is this the target audience they are going for here?
we took shots then she made me eat a dill pickle with cream cheese wrapped in a piece of turkey.
Currently separating the burrito I just stuffed in my purse from the weed in my half smoken bowl that was already in it. My what the fuck moment beats yours.
I shouldn't have to say "get your balls off my counter" on a Wednesday.
Heed the warning of the ghost of Oktoberfest present: German beer is soooooooo much better than our watered down children's piss. also lost all my clothes and am wearing lederhosen the rest of the trip.
My dream had 1 penis and 2 pizzas in it. Priorities?
Doing a circuit workout and using a power hour playlist for my 1 minute timers. I am getting old. creative, but old.
You just kept yelling and saying, "IM NOT GOING TO STOP YELLING UNTIL YOU TAKE THAT SHOT"
We are in Florida for 3 days. The people in charge of shit brought: a waffle maker, a cheese grater and a SEWING MACHINE
AND NO VODKA
How is your new roommate working out
We are drinking at the laundromat. And will probably have sex later. So...pretty good.
It’s like a sexy version of those choose your own adventure books from when we were kids. No matter what you choose, there will be penis!
Randomize
