I realize that when i start making 24-themed music videos in my head to the song 'love is a battlefield' that i really need to get out more
My spanish teacher discovered you can watch spanish music videos on youtube. Guess what were doing in class today? Michael Scott Spanish 101
I wish you got a notification every time someone masturbated to a Facebook picture of you...
she said "lets play dickbreaker!" and then threw my blackberry at my dick as hard as she could.
i'm too stoned to be pregnant. the kicking is morse code for wanting beef jerky.
I started making breakfast to subdue the hangover and last of the shrooms and only got as far as eating a half frozen pierogi out of a dixie cup.
we tried to steal a tractor last night. you should have come out.
I am as serious as getting herpes in Mexico...
What do herpes have to do with anything?
i also took my stockings off in the bathroom and blew my nose with them in the cab ride home. james was appalled
I think my boss gives me work off weekends because he doesn't want me showing up hungover anymore..
if this uncomfortable exchange we're having is you trying to flirt with me i suggest you stop it before someone gets hurt
Thanks for the pic It's going to be lovely dealing with my boner while I'm in a meeting with your father.
the hole that the tears left- fill it with pizza
Omg my brain. Most recent thought: I fucking prayed in the bathroom that the other girl would leave. Prayed to Jesus
I just told my bowl "sorry" for putting it down, because I thought I hurt its feelings. omg. I'm high.
Randomize
