Spotted: jayne dropping her cigarettes in a puddle...then picking them back up and putting them in her pocket. If i ever get that desperate, stop talking to me
It's just like soggy cereal, but cancerous
i say over christmas we have a beer pong competition with the cousins and see who really has the best genes in the family.
he woke me up at 3 am to ask me where my plunger, a towel, and staples were. i'm afraid to go into my bathroom.
Some random slut told me I was a good dancer then gave me a handjob. I felt like fucking John Travolta.
You slow danced with your carpet steamer last night.
I expect to be treated like a lady. Even If your sticking it in my ass.
Best dream ever last night. You moved here. Your Spanish name meant highway. Your favorite food was styrofoam.
Well no need to be a stranger, even if you aren't interested in joining my bisexual polygamist marriage. New city, new friends.
Thats the worst face I've ever seen you make an I've seen you throw up in your own hair.
Dude, all I remember was you grabbing random girls, yelling "It's a rap video!" and pouring high-life on them.
No he can't help me find his house he is strapped to a stretcher facing the opposite direction
At first I was a little embarrassed for sharting, but then i realized it was a bachelor party, and I went balls to the wall
HE ASKED IF I HAD SIBLINGS WHEN I ASKED HIM TO LICK MY ASSHOLE
At least they play good movies in the waiting room of the pregnancy resource center.
You better have a raging boner when I get to your house and it better be worth missing work in the morning.
Randomize
