Let's hear it for middle of the street handjobs ladies and gentlemen
i'm thankful for my girlfriend's hot cousins....god, i love her family parties.
Oh I also wanted to thank you for leaving your list of porn sites on the coffee table. Very entertaining.
He did the "not my house dance." Apparently it involves spreading cereal on the floor and then grinding into the carpet in bare feet while singing "not my house" over and over and dancing.
Just got a blowjob in her closet with two people sleeping outside in the room. I feel like the emperor of college.
Don't worry. I told him just because you've gargled some balls in the past doesn't mean you'll be handling his.
I really wanted that to be shared. Thank you.
I want to lick his teeth again. Is that a creepy thing to say?
so far, I've observed him try to hit on 3 girls, 1 guy and a bar stool. Humanity is amazing from a sober point of view.
We fucked to showtunes. Never going out with a theatre major ever again.
Need your help. Dad's drunk and trying to build a still in the basement.
NM he's asleep in a pile of towels. They need to ease people back into Hockey Night in Canada.
I told him finishing at the same time would be a long-term project. Like flipping a house. A sexual house.
Call me and get me out of this conversation NOW. My coworker is talking to me about her birds having sex again...
Just shared a bacon biscuit with my cat.... Life is weird for me right now
Dude I am a waste of space, I just febreezed myself so I could go out and get lunch
The date did not go well. Turns out I once set her brother on fire.
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