super hot butfun
Oops. What a difference a comma and a space make.
i saved all my weight watcher points for this alcohol
It's 10am, I'm at grocery store buying booze b/c the bf just told me that he didn't "technically" break up with his ex.
I think one day, after evolution kicks in, my sons will thank me for having a 3rd ball. That's how much sex I'm having.
I get way too drunk to be trusted with family heirlooms
Walked into the bar with my burrito and ordered a round of shots for everyone. Not sure if I want to look at the credit card statement.
I got offered a handle of vodka and tomato soup to bring his dog home. He knows me all too well.
I just fucked her in her boyfriends bathroom... he was in the room sleeping.
Just walked past the field playing Jesus music with a fanny pack full of condoms and beer. Happy Sunday.
You know your Halloween costume is slutty when you have to shave your pubes to wear it.
Hey buddy, turns out those were the PB&shroomwiches, soooo you may want to reconsider dinner with your girlfriends family tonight...
My hook-up from last week somehow found me at the club, saw the girl I was trying to fuck, kissed me right in front of her, and walked off.
I just took a shot before my midterm. Gotta keep things in perspective.
Am I the only person in the world that does not give a shit about the avengers?
Im sitting on the floor of the hotel room eating nachos and drinking coffee. People should learn to embrace their hangovers
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