I wanna blow your doors off so bad right now.
Doors?
Rock your world. Blow you out. Skeet skeet.
Sorry I couldn't answer your call, I'm expecting a call from Chris Hansen.
I'm guessing you didn't end up going to the bar last night.
Nope. Ended up at what I believe was a slumber party down the street.
All the good ones are taken. All that's left is the Harry Potter geek or the asshole in the corner. I think I'll settle for Harry Potter.
regular news: took many shots of tequila.....bad news: woke up with a toothbrush and vagisil next to me.....good news: clean as a whistle
I've started grabbing my boobs in front of my lesbian philosophy professor so she'll give me a better grade. It's working...
Its not even 10am and we are talking about what guys assholes we would finger.
I can hear her blowing you man. All I hear is her saying 'yeah' over and over again.
I expected to wake up with a sext of you posing nude and all I got was a missed call.....disappointed.
I'm sorry I think it was because I lost a chicken nugget in my purse and that's all that was on my mind until 4am
If you do wifi you would be helping my penis out & real friends care about their friends penises...
It's like a challenge who can be the biggest embarrassment to the family. I win 80% of the time.
Winner winner, chicken dinner. I am the sole survivor of the orgy without strep. Or maybe I was the carrier?
As a matter of fact, I am on the treadmill with the Bottle of UV Blue as we speak.....
Best compliment ever: Being told that you really understand sex by a professional. After she gave you a HANDJOB.
She forgot a bra so she just used seran wrap. The scary thing is, it worked.
But if you move out who will get drunk with me on the roof and yell at boys?!?
Randomize
