I just found out the FDA voted to ban Vicodin, my last connection to this world has been destroyed
I have a fruit stripe tattoo on my penis. You're the only person I know who chews that gum.
If you liked it then you shoulda put your dick in it, oh uh uh oh
I just found out my boyfriend is cheating on me, please tell me Carl is a unisex name.
all nice guys are gay and all hot ones are assholes
You're fat. Stop making excuses
he tried to give me his business card but gave me his health insurance card then realized it and offered to take me to the strip club
Yeah, you went up to him and said "I stare at people until they feel obligated to talk to me."
My serious response to your Cathy tattoo inquiry- Do you ever want to get laid by someone not wearing a Blossom style bucket hat? Tattoo accordingly.
Did you put Dave Matthews band on the playlist? It's really hard to funnel when "Crash Into Me" kicks in.
I just sustained a forearm injury dancing to salt n peppa in my kitchen. Fack. I pushed it real good.
I took my makeup off with mouthwash. Seemed like a good idea. It worked.
Needless to say, I did not go home with him cause he kinda resembled a guppy fish.
Shes yelled my World of Warcraft name when we were having sex, I think marriage is next.
Don't worry about us we're making Mac and cheese
MAC AND CHEESE ABORTED, WE HAD FIRE
For the record, if you sneeze while you have a dildo in your vagina and you dont have a good grip on it, that thing can get some distance.
Randomize
