Booty call?
Dude you don't even follow my twitter
RAWRRRR IMA PURPLE DINO
dude i'm sitting right next to you.. stop texting me
her teeth should be alot whiter from all of those blowjobs she gives
part of me always dies a little when i go to the "2 women seeking 1 man" section in craigslist's casual encounters to find nothing there. it's tragic
I just want you to know I tipped the cab driver $10 last night because I felt bad that he didn't have healthcare.
I guess since this is supposed to be my year of the lesbian it's okay
Yeah that's one way to look at it on the other hand MY FUCKING BED CAUGHT ON FUCKING FIRE
It's not like I'm never gonna put out again. I'm a sure thing. I promise.
We were making condiment sandwiches, then her husband kept trying to get me to sleep with her. I hate being the only lesbian at the party.
I keep confusing the name of her and her dog. Both are appropriate.
He walks in. We each have a tiki torch. We say, the tribe has spoken. We put his out and then stab him with it.
I was just laughing and almost crying after I orgasmed, and then almost crying because I was laughing so hard. That's new.
Does he think you're psycho?
Officially...... yes.
I'm mopping my WALLS now. And talking to my mop. I literally just told it "yeah I kno that dirt doesn't wanna come off but were gonna get aren't we?" This is some good snow!!! mini maid needs to give it to their maids. The world would be spotless!!!!
Broke my ankle and blacked out on my scooter last night. 'Twas grand.
It wasn't as awesome as they lead everyone to believe. No stripper. Ran out of booze. The chipmunk. He was real.
Randomize
