Pretty sure I only gave out my other # though. You know, 777 777-7777
Hahaha. So was it a Freudian slip, or wishful thinking? ;)
Could be either seeing as you're in my phone as "3rd bar" and I couldn't pick you outta a line up.
I drank almost a whole fifth last night. Woke up with blood everywhere wearing a "stereotype this" tshirt. How fitting
My fave moment of today was you sitting in a hot pink innertube puking into the ocean in front of a lot of children. i would have held your hair back but the ocean did it for you.
i just opened a bottle of wine with my dads power tools
I have bruises covered in glitter and someone just asked me if I realized I'm bleeding from both ears. This is awkward.
I've only left my bed to pee and eat nutella out of the jar with my fingers
I recommend just blowing him. It's always the way to go.
Apparently we were arguing for captain seats so I shouted "who has your virginity." I got the seat.
That girl is nothing but trouble. She's 40% red hair and 60% daddy issues.
He brought a TOOTHBRUSH and TOOTHPASTE with us on our date..... I want to go home and forget I ever decided to be nice and go on this date in the first place...... A TOOTHBRUSH!?!?!
I'm unsure as to how you were able to snapchat me with your hands duck taped to beer, but I appreciated it nonetheless.
I give up. I can't handle that class sober any longer. I have an army of whiskey shooters for the next three weeks. Wish me luck.
Told the cab driver to take me to narnia last night. Turns out there's a bar called narnia on the south side of town. We are in business
Just taxi'd to the airport holding a zip lock bag of my own vomit. Bachelorette success.
I know you do it only because of my toyota, but thank you for fucking me. Seriously.
Randomize
