i found your underwear in my bra... i dont even remember how this happened.
shit. all i remember is the look on your moms face.
I returned the dress. When they asked for the reason for return I said, 'I don't deserve to wear white'.
Tonight just feels like one of those I'm going to lose a shoe nights.
They just asked a fat guy to move to the other side of the plane. Send me a pic of your tits incase we crash
no dude I'm not doing anything bad to her...remember she's always the DD she has blackmail material on literally all of us
I asked this couple what they would like to drink and they leaned toward me eagerly and asked if we still have THE root beer ... Idk if this is code for please add cocaine to my drink
I think you just miss his friendship.
I think it's his ability to give me multiple orgasms.
MEAN GIRLS IS ON NETFLIX! I REPEAT, MEAN GIRLS IS ON NETFLIX! THIS IS NOT A DRILL! I LITERALLY NOW HAVE TO CANCEL ALL OF MY WEEKEND PLANS.
P.s. I loved that your balls smelled like coconut
My dad is blowing up my phone with pictures from the midget wrestling match.
Honestly I really just want to do you in the mail truck. Thought about it a lot today
Ever had one of those went so hard last night you woke up at the foot of the bed naked wondering where your phone ended up?
You were filing your nipples with a nail file to "make them sharper"
I’m done with him. I’m going to the beach to catch a fresh dick
So naked ping pong was a mistake... Looks like we were attacked by an octopus.
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