loyola was giving a tour this morning and they all saw me in a half ripped off toga throwing up over the side of the dorm stairs
you don't even go to loyola anymore
I'm timing the release of my poops to the sound of the machine gun from the video game he's playing in the living room.
I'm gonna answer everything she says with 'cum on da face' until she breaks up with me...great idea or greatest idea?
You kept tellin the cashier that this order was "To Go" over and over...even tho we were in the drive-thru
Our fuck buddy relationship took a turn for the worst after we were drunk and I punched him in the face when he asked for a three some with my best friend.
Teeth make me feel like a dinosaur. Can you feel yours?
I called him and he said hell call me back hes in the middle of his kareokee song he was out by himself and his dog
I wonder if you're allowed to smoke pot at Denver bronco games now...
we're the same shoe size and he owns more pairs of heels than i do. this could be the beginning of a beautiful friendship
Also I'm at the pub and there are old lady pirates gyrating on a pole. I wish you were here.
It's gotten to the point that when I close my eyes to cum all I see is candy crush
I was just hotboxing under my sheets and I got lost on the way out.
It was so scary.
no strings attached, like you could fuck him and then throw him off a building right after
On a serious note, don't let me forget to tell you about firecracker baseball. I'm glad I have my fingers. I had to count them.
there's a giant awkward home-wrecking elephant in the room. and its name is meg.
Randomize
