she looks like someone took a bunch of spare parts and glued them all on one face. it's quite horrifying.
guess who just got paired up at the beer pong table with the fat girl who's nipples are hanging out...
She said you were bangin on the counters of McDonalds singing "These Eyes" at 4am
after I pulled back my foreskin she said, "cool like a transformer". I really like her now.
Currently bar hopping with 30 Navy SEALS. I know i'm safe but damn its hard to pick up chicks when you feel like a big pussy.
i should not be allowed to orgasm that much in one day.
Turned out the thing on the lampshade was a bloodstain, not a bedbug. We feel much safer now.
just tried to puke while my RA was trying to puke in the stall next to me.bonded for life
I woke up with the suicide hotline number saved as 'Hot Guy Josh'
Judging by the garbled spelling in the calendar reminders in my phone, drunk me really wanted sober me to take a pregnancy test today.
There was just a girl standing next to me on the train, wasted, wearing only one shoe. I so wanted to pat her on the shoulder and say "oh honey, we've all been there"
Fuck you, if it wasn't for us going to the city, she would be using me as a human sex toy all day.
So the revenge porn my ex posted just resulted in a contract with a gay porn company. I'm going to make $8,000 this weekend. That would a breakup checkmate. Are you joining me in the legislative committee hearing tomorrow?
I'm more heavily invested in that tequila than you are
You can't go around chasing people and screaming JUST LET ME LOVE YOU. We're in a public place.
There is a dude with blue hair and a samurai sword and another dude dressed as Dead Pool. I daresay standard social conventions are not applicable in this environment.
Randomize
