I wish my period boobs were my regular boobs.
Left for charity run at 5AM. Saw a pigeon eating last night's vomit and a pair of shame-walkers in high heels. Nature at it's finest.
Thank god i puked near the cancer center. makes me look like a chemo patient
he called AT&T to make sure that he had insurance before he threw his cell phone into the fountain.
we hotboxed my bathroom. with nine people and two dogs.
So I am just swinging blind here, but I am guessing that blood in your sinus is not ideal
i wish it would rain vodka just once. i have not puked yet bring it on
Parents weekend was a success.
Yeah, I guess so if you consider being arrested and having your parents bail you out a success...
Bail could have come out of your pocket so yes, I think we were financially responsible this weekend.
You better wipe the dick of your lips before you come smoke this blunt.
i am laugh crying so hard the guy next door stopped playing guitar
Not saying puking on the side of a cab was how I imagined freshman year of med school but...
I warned you. Don't come crying to me when your vagina refuses to forgive you for this.
You've got to be fucking kidding me. Do you think "Husband drunkenly pees all over floors" is reasonable grounds for divorce? So pissed off right now.
There is absolutely a 0% chance my hips will make it out of this twerking business fully functional
Dude I just clenched/unclenched my hindquarters while looking in the mirror I have fucking talent
Randomize
