So, I'm pretty sure I just jacked off and my gf 17 m/o son caught me. IDK how long he was standing in the crib, but he definately saw the grand finale.
i feel like the song jizz in my pants was made for him.
You smell like a Billy Joel song
there should be a rule against ugly people hooking up.
yeah...but then what would the ugly people do? hook up with pretty people? yeahhh..don't see that happening in the near future. plus i'm not okay with that.
is there an easy way to say "i didnt plan on sleeping with you until i saw how drunk you were" ?
Dude let's go to Saudi Arabia. They outlawed valentine's day. And probably love.
you started texting yourself and saying they were "divine messages from heaven" then you threw up on stacie's piano.
I was more traumatized by the table collapsing while i was going down on you.
if that's jizz on my steering wheel i'm gonna be pissed...and impressed.
If you don't come out tonight, who's going to wake us up in the morning because they're fucking in the middle of the room where everyones sleeping?
Eating my shrimp pasta on the porch with a 40, wearing a Hawaiian shirt, proclaiming "I GOT SCRIMPS." I just jumped the shark of college.
You work today? I woke up with a raging boner that was whispering your name
My life has evolved from screwing randos, ok?
I don't drink nearly as much when I'm coupled, and that's not a lifestyle I can commit to
Ive completely stopped wearing makeup. Not even eyebrows. Thats how sick of wisconsin I am.
Randomize
