was it mean of me to chase him screaming "DO YOU EVER WANT TO BE ABLE TO HAVE CHILDREN?!"?
Just saw a cop issuing a DUI. At 3 pm. It's definitely the start of winter break.
Just orgasmed in traffic. Starting to have feelings for my commute.
Adderal just makes me love life. I want to do so much. I just can't stop thinking about all the wonderful opportunities we have and how lucky we are and I want to make a difference in the world. I just have to reign in my brain and convince it that changing the world starts with a college degree, which depends on studying for these finals.
You know you have crossed to the dark side of marriage when a nap is more important than jacking off
This guy smells like mr Rogers puppets and I don't know how to deal with it
It is very possible that having sex with you just now just got me into Yale
At least you get to smell pizza at your job. I just smell despair all day long.
I am a woman. I need to be selective about the porn I stream on my phone. Who knows if my cell will ever get lost, who will see it and what they'd think otherwise. Keepin' it classy tampa.
I hope you get eaten by satanic starfish.
I asked her if she could eat some Doritos so when we made out it would taste awesome
We just saw two bitche in pink capris jazzercising down the road. On Thanksgiving.
I might be offended if you don't bang me tomorrow. You know, for America.
It's hard to talk dirty with a mouth full of peanut butter
she stuffed her marc jacobs purse full of cereal
classy
Randomize
