His moose knuckle keeps winkin at me
I got to work, greeted my staff, then went into the bathroom to throw up. Who hired me to run a business???
He showed me a four inch blond hair that grows out of his side. He calls it his little ray of sunshine. Please come get me.
She just had to change the song on the radio cause I was tap dancing on her windshield
You kept apologizing for not offering me some of your Whisky, which you referred to as "Jesus Nectar".
you were upstairs in your room looking out your window and saw him puking in your bushes outside. you then proceeded to open the window and sing Come To My Window
My date just wheeled me home in a shopping cart but it was normal
My roommate has gone Christmas crazy. It looks like Jack Frost came all over my living room. Wanna come fuck me in the fake snow by the fireplace?
I wish you looked at me the way you looked at my brothers penis
See, this is why we give you shit. Ashley gets her car cleaned out, I get multiple enchiladas made, and you get cum in your eye.
Jealous. I want an iud. Maybe there's a late night bodega that'll insert one for me
He fucked my brains out then fed me cheese and peanut butter. I might be in love.
So your telling me I can lick your ass but you CAN'T spend my money
I realized my soar muscles form the shape of me leaning over a toilet
Get your heels and tits on! I’m not wasting a Brazilian because his fucking kid ate paste or Legos and ruined an afternoon suite sex and room service
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