you really need to stop walk of shaming home from theme parties.
Ohmy god im about to fuxk my TA. i thyought this was a dream but i love you. <3
Cuz last time you told me I was going to be shocked about something you got a hand job from a stripper in canada
He said I was the "egg mcmuffin" of blowjobs. I'm flattered.
You don't understand, we were on a waffle house. Both of us were absolutely certain we passed out at his place then BAM! Waffle house.
He sent me a recycled dick pic! He could at least use one without sunlight in it, considering it's 10pm
Stop studying come to the bar get drunk and help me figure out how to get home pretend there are commas in there someplace
Apparently last night I yelled "the cops were called on a mother fucker and that mother fucker is me." And then proceeded to exorcise a sandwitch.
I kinda got drunk and threw my debit card into a bonfire so I don't have any money at the moment lol.
He can't just hit it and quit it and then eat your pop tarts on his way out.
He took a girl home at like eight, fucked her, kicked her out, came back to the bar, and repeated the process again at 10:30 and 2:30. THREE GIRLS IN ONE NIGHT. ALL PICKUPS. I HATE HIM.
Lies! You took my virginity, and now my cigarettes!
I SHOULD BE TERRIFIED OF HIS DRAGON DICK.
So if your sore it's because you tried to tackle a tree last night. When I told you at the party, you said "What do you expect, I'm an athlete!"
He ate me out in the passenger seat of his Range Rover in a Tim Hortons parking lot. I could hear “oh canada” on the radio from a nearby school as I came. Most patriotic orgasm ever!
Randomize
