Let's hear it for middle of the street handjobs ladies and gentlemen
wouldn't it be funny if when girls shaved their vaginas, they gave them sideburns?
Just rolled over and realized my vodka goggles are not as functional as my beer goggles
As I was going down on her I noticed she had a tatoo on her inner thigh that said "Eat it like your birthday cake".
So I told her I dislocated my shoulder and she said "well okay. I can either be on top or blow you."
Decisions, decisions.
So, how do I go about conveying: I'm sorry, yet very glad she is having my abortion. Via text msg?
I don't care who it's from we're getting blown. It's a 3 day weekend anything can happen
You know what I'm hearing? Blah, blah, blah, I have pneumonia, blah, blah, blah, I'm a quitter. COME OVER AND PUT YOUR PENIS INSIDE ME.
Pot head idea of the day: make a maraca out of weed seeds. Or a rain stick? Definitely rain stick.
Yea. It was an issue. Great time though. Apparently I went through the coat check, put my coat on and forgot I had it so I tried to go through again and just didn't understand why thy weren't helping me. Dave coat checked his pants.
Jesus horatio Christ I forgot my mittens and am considering shoving my hands down the pants of the first semi attractive man I see
Oh man 11pm. That means it's time to take my shirt off an eat a brownie
He's like a unicorn and I just wanna domesticate him
also. when i get a car, the amount of space there is for sex WILL be a huge deciding factor.
I'm fucked-out. That state of being high between fucked up and passed out.
Randomize
