im pretty sure you tried to fart so bad you accidently pissed your pants at my party.
I am going to be the most sexually active ladybug that he has ever seen
I took a bird feeder and filled it with alka-seltzer. Can you say fireworks?
I just introduced him to multiple male orgasms. I love wine AND tequila
First funeral I've ever been to where the cops had to come.
I was still in a towel. We hadn't even started drinking yet and the champagne bottle dropped and exploded literally up into my vagina.
I am now best friends with a lesbian named Zulu. I am pretty hammered already and made a game time decision to stay here another night,for partying purposes
When we were grinding I think your nuva ring fell into my shoe
figured after she passed out and i threw up in her bed, morning sex would be pushing it.
Remember when puke and rally meant a good time? Fuck pregnancy
Denis dont give a fuck, Denis drinks out of straws. Denis disregards the fire station & bought 18 fire hoses so he can fight it himself if the farmhouse is on fire.
He snapchatted me his dick and he's circumcised....BRB going to hug his Mom
I'm at 45 minutes post orgasm, and I still feel my insides spasming. Pretty sure I just fucked Superman.
I made the antidote to the nasty cognac. I AM THE GOD OF MIXED DRINKS.
If he knew how badly I want to blow him he’d stop talking about his wife
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