So shortly after drunk sex...she starts crying and saying..." you don't care about me, you never do anything nice for me" so I called her a cab
my little brother got his license today.. too early to ask him to DD?
you were carrying a trash bag around insisting it was your purse. I'll let you guess how your night went
had to bail. she had her cat tattooed on her
Listening to my boss get blown in the next room by a male bartender from the gay bar. And watching pawnstars. Tell me I'm not the best wingman ever.
you want a dog just so you can strap a barrel of hot chocolate around its neck?
In other more interesting news I'm going to arrange a surprise orgy. You in?
there was 'chicken suit porn' in my search history.......also 'scuba diving porn'
Meanwhile I'm working a fucking flute workshop and I'm one high c away from shoving a flute up the asshole of the next passerby
Just learned a valuable lesson today. Don't open snap chats from 3 am the next morning while sitting next to a small child. They totally saw your dick.
Don't have sex in a tent there are so many opportunities for infections
I responded with revoking his blow job privileges. Needless to say, he's learned his lesson.
You’ll lick BBQ off my cock but no ketchup on a hotdog?
Stand and applaud for me. I have successfully masturbated in a Walmart changing room with the door wide open during normal business hours. I lead a very Charmed Life.
Dude I had my dad cock block me once
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