That was a long time ago. She needed the money.
So I just almost came on my own face I had to dodge it as it was flying by...that was a first
he's going on about how he's going to treat me right and wants to let himself be in love with me and spend a lot of time together. kids these days. like its not about sex anymore. i'm confused.
The walk of shame is far, far worse on crutches.
Just used "I used to work as an inflatable toy operator" as a pick up line. Freshman frenzy is great...
You can do it. What doesn't kill us just drives us to drink
lesson #1 of freshman year: grinding with a sombrero is difficult
Just got our of the shower. I'm standing naked in front of my open windows cause fuck my neighbors that's why
The appetizer at the dinner I went to tonight was Klonopin and a Bloody Mary.
I'm SO high. And there is so much pudding in this car
your mom was just petting me...I am strangely comfortable with it
Turns out, the guy I'm casually fucking has a girlfriend who's cheating on him with my sister's boyfriends brother who I fucked last year. And my sex life has now come full circle.
you said you heard a baby, so i told you to go feed it. you came back 2 hours later with a pizza and when i asked you where the baby went you pointed to the pizza and puked.
The cat hopped on my bed and watched me masturbate naked with a vibrator. I've never felt more sorry in my entire life
It's OK, I woke up in a drag queen's bed last weekend. It took me forever to get the glitter out of my cleavage.
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