i just found my sim card.....i hid it in my tylenol bottle....i guess to ensure i would find it mid-hangover
why are there post-it notes all around the apartment labeled where you guys had sex and in what position
you wouldn't stop saying "oil can" in the tin man voice until I gave you back your flask
This morning my doorman told me it was an accomplishment for me to be standing and conscious after last night.
I knew I was high when I wanted to write a poem about how great it felt to wash my face
Housing is going to charge us for any broken dishes/glassware. Steal as many glasses as you can from the bars tonight. I got the baking dish and 3 plates covered.
"Home for the holidays" isn't clearance to fuck the recently 18 year old high schooler right?
Nope, his last birthday was.
You've never even broken a bone. You singlehandedly disprove natural selection
I don't want a baby! I JUST WANT AN ORGASM THAT ISN'T SELF INFLICTED.
He literally wrote out a schedule. On it, there's a taco break, and a spot where I start crying.
I completely forgot about the posting of partying pics shortly after adding my gma my dad was like grandma says your all over fb but she doesn't know how to use it. Of course I'm all over her fb. She's got 6 friends I am her newsfeed
I just noticed that pic of your cock has a Christmas tree in the background. It's July.
I'm serenading his dick with my words. I understand how poets get inspiration now.
Oh yeah, it was definitely the best sex of my life, I just don't think I can fix the kitchen table before my parents get back...
She grabbed the other one and started playing tug-o-war against the blonde chick. I told you getting my nipples pierced was a good idea
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