Whose surfboard did we steal and why is there a wood carving of a pelican in the fridge where the beer used to be?
Somehow I gave him blood blisters on his dick...I don't know if I'm that good or that bad.
how opposed are you to picking me up at the bar at 11:00am?
This titty bar has wifi. I just did FaceTime stage side
He told me he was in a Proactive commercial. It didn't seem to work for him but he was buying me shots so I slept with him anyways.
Ok, Jen and I are going out tonight and getting rowdy. I think you and Steph need to come. I understand if you can't, but not going out means you're automatically obligated to post bail. If necessary.
I'm sending you the three minute video I jus took,....it's of me eating a pear up close
The only reason I know his name is because we wrote marriage vows in orange crayon on the back of a Walmart receipt.
I had a dream I got back with Amanda. And then cheated on her the same day. Even my conscious is a dick
His favorite stripper is going to jail. He's taking it pretty hard
I made out with my moms boyfriends son last night. Thanksgiving is gonna be reeeal fun!
When I walked out of the bathroom and you were literally dancing, you looked at me and said 'this is how I dance'. And then continued.
he said to "slap him" after he guessed the time correctly. i did.
Why is there a trampoline for sale in my front yard?
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