Let me guess--your parents are cousins.
Just had to have the guy at Sprint clear the dried cum out of the trackball on my Blackberry. Wonder if that happens to him often.
It's a shame that I don't know his last name. Actually, it's an ever bigger shame that I don't know his first name
all i remeber is falling off a fence and banging him in the middle of the street, not sure which one gave me this cut
His penis was definitely too big to be the type that wants commitment. Shit.
Its so fun. We're having a music war with the boat next to us. They have strippers.
If I interpreted our horoscopes correctly...you should be coming home with an 8 ball. Just saying.
My mom just invited me to come with them on their honeymoon to Mexico this summer. And I got a Bump-It in my stocking.
Pass the awkward sauce please.
I'm drowning in it here
His search history includes homemade sex toys and a plunger. I'm scared about what goes on in their place.
I was stuffing my vagina with gummy bears last night having him eat them out of me. Team Haribo for the win!
I never truly understood the phrase ball is life until I started having to balance NBA finals and all these men with balls i'd like to handle.
my one night stand just gave me money "to buy a better vibrator" tis the season
Um I got a ride home from the bar with two random boys and one tried to bang me on my parents riding mower
Fuck the system, do you have any medieval weapons?
Can I borrow your pants?
WTH?
Just come to the men’s room and help me. The blonde bartender figured out I’m married. Rachel will definitely notice if come home pantsless
Randomize
