hey sry I lost all my numbers who is this?
pat the guy you slept with
still need a last name
is it just me, or are high schoolers getting sexier?
I found bruises on my neck from barfing out the window.
You should have seen her, she looked like a skinny Jabba The Hutt
That literally makes no sense
Exactly
Dude. I'm super jealous I'm not there. Plus I look really pretty tonight, I'm wearing my long blue dress, I have long blonde hair, and I'm just sitting here hitting Larry the Long Bong. I'll pretend like your 3 spirits are floating in my smoke. Fuck.
We need to go back to the barter system so I can sell my body and just be done with it.
Can someone please explain where the fish in the mason jar came from when we were at a bar all night?
You told the bartender if he gave you one of the fish you'd go away
Wait, just ask him if can you can join in. You haven't lived until you've taken part in a threesome with your father...or so I've heard
I woke up in a toga after going to a Hawaiian party. I don't even know.
everything in the house taste like gin even the water, friday nite was a success
Some dude peed on tonys floor because drunkness
They offered him a bucket as he was peeing and he was like "Nah, I'm good"
I basically have the attention span of a ferret on meth when it comes to men
Well supposedly when the cops came, they say I tried to get them in a conga line like Jim Carrey in The Mask. So....yea
So, I feel bad. I just told my husband I had sex with someone else while on a business trip. Today is his birthday. I'm kind of a dick.
Made out with sailor moon tonight. Childhood dreams do come true.
Randomize
