I'd fuck her but she fucked Dusty. And I'm pretty sure he's humped livestock
I just saw a kid drop his lollipop on the floor of best buy, kick it because he was pissed off and then pick it up and eat it. I think I have a long lost son.
drunk guy next to me on the train just tried to share his pizza with me
he just tried to feed it to me...i love new york
She still cant shoot whiskey?
Im having serious doubts about this relationship
because drunk making out is frowned upon in museums i think
yep you were here saturday. if you woke up smelling like vanilla i can explain.
Finals week...the biggest cock block since your brother threatened me with a beer bottle at the bar.
I told him if he went to see magic mike with me I'd cover his eyes during the penis parts
You need to stop thinking about the needs of your vagina and concentrate on the greater good
Lmfao. We asked what you wanted to eat and you said vagina. I don't care what kind. Fresh, barbecue, roasted on a camp fire. I just want it on my taste buds.
There's times when I need to be plowed... and I'm ashamed to admit auto correct was able to predict that entire sentence.
He wrote on the bartenders notepad "phone?" So I wrote back "911"
If its not for food we ain't going out.
I wanted to waterboard myself with beer, but no one would give me their shirt to do it.
Ugh. My life is a never ending cycle of bad decisions and taquitos.
Randomize
